Christmas On The Alpaca Farm | 2024 Christmas Movies

I am nearing the end of the Christmas movies on my list and I will be very happy when this is over. I was looking forward to Christmas On The Alpaca Farm because how can you screw up a movie about alpacas, right? You make it not ab0ut alpacas.

Jess Hilliard (Kirsten Comerford) wants to create a line of sustainable high fashion. When the New York City fashion label she works for scraps her line of alpaca fleece sweaters, she quits to enter a Christmas competition with her own designs. Since the Flannery Farm, where she got her alpaca fleece previously, had to fire their entire staff when the sweater line was scrapped, Jess goes to help Andrew (Matt Wells) and his daughter, Georgia (Ai Barrett), harvest the fleece.

This movie should have been about a city girl being forced to work on an alpaca farm for some reason and she fails, at first, before falling in love with the animals and learning how to care for them and maybe she makes them silly little hats or scarves or something and, in the end, she falls in love with the alpaca man. But no, this movie had to be about fashion. They throw around the term high fashion a few times and nothing here is high fashion. Luxury, yes. High fashion, no. Those are two very different things.

I’m also annoyed that Andrew kept pulling this “You can’t blend my alpaca fleece with ANYTHING!” There are, like, 20 alpacas on his farm that we see. How much fleece does he really think they can generate? Google tells me that an average sweater uses about a pound of alpaca fleece and the average alpaca produces 5 to 10 pounds of fleece per year. Even though Jess is making some chunky sweaters, let’s be nice and say she’s only using one pound. And let’s say these alpacas are amazing at producing fleece so each one gives us 10 pounds. (Yes, I’m being super generous.) Ten pounds of fleece times twenty alpacas is 200 pounds of fleece. Each sweater takes one pound so Jess can make, at most, 200 sweaters per year with this fleece. That might be good for a starting point but there were big companies wanting to sell these sweaters. 200 sweaters per year isn’t a sustainable business plan.

Was there anything good about this movie? I guess Georgia was kinda cute. Ooh, maybe we can have a Georgia & The Alpacas movie and just forget about the adults. That could be adorable!

Rating: These sweaters were ugly and boring too

The Christmas Charade | 2024 Christmas Movies

As usual with Hallmark movies, I have no idea what the title The Christmas Charade means. The channel has tried to cram commercials for it down my throat as I watch other movies but I immediately skip them. Is that going to bite me in the butt?

Josh (Corey Sevier) is an undercover FBI agent working on a string of recent heists. When he learns that the next target is a necklace called The Heart of Christmas, he immediately goes into action to prepare for the Christmas Eve charity ball that will feature the necklace. A female FBI agent was supposed to play his girlfriend but there was a mix-up and Whitney (Rachel Skarsten), a risk-averse elementary school librarian, is forced to team up with him instead.

I’ll admit that I am not the biggest fan of Corey Sevier. I find a lot of his roles to be cheesy or annoying. In this case, his character is already aloof and emotionally unavailable so there isn’t really much to screw up. On the other hand, Rachel Skarsten is pretty good at playing the weird nerdy girl. I would have liked to have seen a little more of rebellion against her parents that started in the beginning but that is on the writer not the actor. (While writing this review, I found out that the writer of the movie is married to Sevier, who also directed it. Things make a lot more sense now.)

The Christmas Charade is fine. The big heist is a little boring. Though I did not see the twist with the identity of the thief. I just wish there was a little more oopmh to the main characters. It definitely would have made it more interesting.

Rating: Maybe don’t jump off the roof.

Everything Christmas | 2023 Christmas Movies

It is interesting that something called Everything Christmas is about a road trip rather than someone trying to stuff Christmas into every aspect of their life. But, as we all know, I don’t name these things. I just wish I did.

LJ (Cindy Busby) goes on a three-day road trip with her friend, Tori (Katherine Barrell). Their destination is a town where it is always Christmas but they have a special tree-decorating ceremony on Christmas Eve. On their way, they meet Zack (Corey Sevier) and Jason (Matt Wells). Will LJ forgo her Christmas promise to her late grandmother in favor for following her heart?

Hallmark is pretty good at movies that are just OK. Everything Christmas is one of those. I’m not quite sure how Corey Sevier became one of Hallmark’s leading men. Maybe because he has this goofy sort of good guy look? He’s kinda terrible at acting and he makes me cringe when he’s on the screen. Thankfully, he frequently gets paired up with women that can carry the movie for him. Cindy Busby isn’t amazing here but she more than makes up for everyone else. The best part of the movie is probably George Masswohl as Kris Kringle. I just wish there was a little more of him to go around.

Rating: Just some things Christmas

Wrapped Up In Love | 2022 Christmas Movies

I am so close to the end of Christmas movie season. Wrapped Up In Love is the last of the Lifetime movies. I am happy to be done with this channel for now.

Ashley (Brittany Bristow) works at a local department store. When the owner talks about retiring, she is certain that she will be picked to take over. Much to her dismay, he has brought in his son, Ben (Olivier Renaud), who wants to use technology to advertise the store. But Ashley prefers classic, traditional ways. Will they be able to come to an agreement?

There wasn’t anything I liked about Wrapped Up In Love. Ashley was annoying in her refusal to use technology in any way and Ben was annoying in his refusal to do anything traditional. Despite that, Ashley is way more open to Ben’s ways than he is to hers. He wants to film a video of the store employees reading a store themed version of “Twas The Night Before Christmas”. She not only agrees to be in the video, she also agrees to freaking help him edit it. But he doesn’t help her with anything until the grand finale when the whole store needs to work together. I hate this relationship.

Please don’t watch this movie. It’s terrible. Go watch any other movie. It will make you much happier.