A Vintage Christmas | 2024 Christmas Movies

Great American Family has really called us out with A Vintage Christmas. The “vintage” year they are talking about here? 1992. I graduated high school in 1994. It really takes some guts to call your core demographic old. It better be a damn good movie.

Tessa Findlay (Merritt Peterson) is the town historian of Oak Creek. Noah (Christopher Russell) is a real estate developer who is planning on tearing down the old post office to build a modern office complex. Knowing that the town is against the demolition of the landmark, Noah, with the help of Tessa, decides to grant the Christmas wishes he found in a mailbox from 1992.

So…this movie was very extremely boring. I found Tessa’s arguments about saving a dilapidated building annoying. I live in a small town with a lot of history. However, sometimes those historic buildings or landmarks aren’t taken care of and we are currently left with a building that is no longer safe to use. And, yes, people here are protesting when those landmarks are torn down but no one wants to spend the million dollars it would take to renovate it and make it safe again. This is the entire plot of A Vintage Christmas. Tessa wants to save a dangerous building simply for the memories. She even scoffs when Noah tries to offer a compromise. I hate it.

In addition, there’s nothing charming here. We don’t get to spend enough time with the townspeople to care about their childhood Christmas wishes coming true. Then there is no chemistry between Tessa and Noah. Even the secondary couple - Darla (Kate Jenkinson) and Greg (Joey Vieira) - are boring. Granted, they are more interesting than our main couple but still boring.

I wish the movie had something to keep my attention. Unfortunately, the most interesting thing I found was a movie poster in the background that had some of the crew member’s names listed. That was cute. I wish the rest of the movie was too.

Rating: Two people got good presents, the rest got junk.

'Twas The Text Before Christmas | 2023 Christmas Movies

I wasn’t sure what to expect from ‘Twas The Text Before Christmas. Would it be a take on ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas? What would that look like in a Christmas romance movie? Let’s take a look…

Addie (Merritt Patterson) is a New York City chiropractor. When her father, Bruce (Rob Stewart), goes to Australia to spend Christmas with her brother, Addie is left alone. She receives an accidental text from Maybel (Jayne Eastwood) intended for Maybel’s granddaughter, Paige. Addie and Maybel start talking and, when Maybel finds out that Addie will be alone for Christmas, the older woman invites her to spend the holiday with her family. With no other plans, Addie agrees.

Surprisingly, this wasn’t a terrible movie. It is a little annoying that it only takes place over three consecutive Christmases so we don’t get to see what anyone is doing during the rest of the year. It would have been nice to see Addie spend some time with her father since he goes to visit her brother every year - even though they are supposed to switch off spending Christmas with him. We see them have one dinner every year, which is when he tells her that he’s leaving again. From what we see, Maybel is a better parental figure to Addie than her own father.

The characters are rather two-dimensional so don’t go into this thinking you’re going to get anything deep out of it. The only time we see any of Addie’s other boyfriends is through her phone - one via social media and the other via phone calls. I know this is supposed to be about the Christmases that Addie and Maybel spend together. It just would have been nice to get to know them better as people.

Rating: I’m ready for the sequel where they spend every Easter together

Catering Christmas | 2022 Christmas Movies

One of the things that annoyed me during the Hallmark Channel Christmas movies were all of the commercial bumps featuring Candace Cameron Bure. You know, those are the things where she’s like “Join me for the best Christmas season at Hallmark!” or some sugar-coated saying. Well, now that she’s jumped to Great American Family, she still gets the commercial bumps but now they feel like digs at the Hallmark Channel. “You’ve found me at my NEW home!” Ugh. Go away, Candace.

Molly (Merritt Patterson) owns a catering business that keeps losing jobs to her competition. When she wins the chance to cater the annual Harrison Christmas charity gala, she puts her all into impressing her client. Meanwhile, Jean Harrison (Rosemary Dunsmore) is trying to convince her nephew, Carson (Daniel Lissing), to settle down and take over running the charity foundation. Jean puts Carson in charge of overseeing the catering, which means Molly and Carson spend more time together. Will Molly make Carson want to give up his traveling photography job and settle down in New Hampshire?

With Catering Christmas, Great American Family channel seems to be trying to put both Lifetime and Hallmark out of the Christmas movie business. I actually had a pretty good time watching it. Sure, there were some slow parts that had me reaching for my phone for some games but, overall, I enjoyed it. Patterson and Lissing had some decent chemistry. They seemed to enjoy sharing the screen, even if they didn’t always seem like they were attracted to each other. Let’s just say they are on the higher end of the Christmas Movie Couple Ranking. They’re just not quite at the top yet.

If you have access to the Great American Family channel, give some time to Catering Christmas. Even if you only subscribe to one of the streaming networks hosting the channel for a few months through the Christmas season, I think it might be worth the few bucks for it. Now if only there was somewhere I could buy Carson’s photography prints for myself….

A Gingerbread Miracle | 2021 Christmas Movies

After so many good or at least decent Christmas movies, I knew it wouldn’t be long until we found another piece of trash. And A Gingerbread Miracle hits the bottom of the barrel.

Maya (Merritt Patterson) is a lawyer who is currently freelancing after an unexpected extended move back home. She is hired by Luis (Jorge Montesi) to help sell his Mexican bakery, even though real estate is not her specialty. Luis’s nephew, Alex (Jon Ecker), is also a lawyer but he actually loves cooking. When he finds out that Maya is helping to sell the bakery, he worms his way into helping her.

I almost feel like this movie doesn’t understand what certain words mean. They straight up tell us that the place Luis owns is a bakery but there isn’t a lot of baking going on. They made some “magical” gingerbread cookies that supposedly grant wishes but they also make actual food. I’m really not sure the writers know what a bakery is. We didn’t see any sorts of cakes or any other cookies beyond the gingerbread. Oh, and the guy that owns a French bakery wanting to buy the Mexican bakery saying “What’s the difference?!” What the hell.

The story also felt like it was trying to wrangle a bunch of different storylines but didn’t do any of them well. There’s a bit about Maya’s sister wanting to be a photographer but I don’t think we actually see her taking any pictures. Maya just tells is that she takes pictures. And now that I think about it, I don’t think we see any of the pictures. Just the characters talking about how awesome the pictures are.

On the career front, Maya interviews for a job that it never seems she actually wants. We don’t see her preparing for the second interview. We don’t even get to see her actual interview. There’s a shot of her sitting in a conference room waiting for someone who is running late. Then, all of a sudden, she has the job and she’s talking to the HR lady about the position, which is apparently very different from what she was told. Why would anyone work at a company who said they had a work/family balance but meant it was a work/family balance for top level management? It’s straight up lying to potential employees. Not a good way to start a work relationship.

Needless to say, A Gingerbread Miracle is pretty terrible. The cookies aren’t even pretty. I appreciate the attempt to add Mexican culture to the Hallmark landscape. This really isn’t the way to do it though.

Chateau Christmas | 2020 Christmas Movies

We all know that Hallmark movies tend to have characters with the same jobs. Baker, event planner, video game designer has popped up more frequently…but this year, musician seems to have taken hold. Chateau Christmas is the second movie this season to focus on a professional musician. I wonder how many more will show up.

Margot Hammond (Merritt Patterson) is a world famous pianist. When the venue for her Christmas performance is closed for safety issues, Margot decides to spend the holidays with her family at Chateau Neuhaus. It just so happens that a former college friend, Adam (Jesse Hutch), has convinced Margot’s ex-boyfriend, Jackson (Luke Macfarlane), to step in on the planning of the Chateau’s annual Christmas concert. With nine days to go before the performance, can Jackson and Margot put together the perfect Christmas concert for the Chateau?

If we’re going to be adding musician to the Christmas movie jobs, it’s going to have to be specifically musicians who have lost the passion for their instrument. In Chateau, Margot is upset because she’s gotten some bad reviews from one writer. While I understand that bad reviews can be harsh and difficult to take, it’s the opinion of one person. Margot is literally selling out concert venues around the world. But I get it. It’s sucks to hear that other people think you aren’t good at something.

My main problem with Chateau is that it’s kinda boring. Margot and Jackson are tasked to put together this concert but we never really feel like it’s difficult. They spend a lot of their time either trying to get three of the four members of a famous quartet back together to perform (unfortunately, the fourth member had passed away) or they are just hanging out with Margot’s family. There’s shopping, decorating trees, snowball fights….I thought they said it was impossible to plan this concert in nine days. It kinda seems like nine days was too much time for them.

I can’t say that I recommend watching this one. Christmas in Vienna was a better movie about a musician and On The 12th Date of Christmas was a better event planning movie. Save your time and watch one of those instead.