Terrifier 2 (2022)

Art the Clown is back in Terrifier 2. The first Terrifier movie was really bad. So bad that I’m not really sure why they made a second one. Since the third one is coming out later this year, let’s take a look at the second installment to see if it is any better.

Immediately after the events of Terrifier, Art the Clown (David Howard Thornton) has, somehow, been resurrected. After murdering the coroner, Art goes to a laundromat to clean his costume, where he sees a Little Pale Girl (Amelie McLain) dressed in a clown outfit similar to his own. A year later, high schooler Sienna (Lauren LaVera) is preparing her Halloween costume - an angel warrior based on sketches from her late father. Her younger brother, Jonathan (Elliott Fullam), has become obsessed with Art thanks to some artwork in their father’s sketchbook. It seems that their father has predicted that Sienna, as the angel warrior with a sword, will kill Art the Clown. But is that really possible?

First, let me say that this movie was better than the first. Not that it was difficult to accomplish. Does that make it a good movie though? Ehhhh.

The storyline is a big improvement. However, there are some very big plot holes that bug me. We never get a reason why the unnamed father of Sienna and Jonathan drew pictures of Art the Clown or why he predicted that this angel warrior he drew when Sienna was a “little girl” was going to kill him. Their father supposedly died of a brain tumor. Why would he know anything about Art? And why is Art attacking this family?

At least the characters or the acting makes up for it, right? Not really. Barbara (Sarah Voigt), mother to Sienna and Jonathan, is pretty awful to them. She spends most of her screen time screaming at the kids. It’s kinda annoying. The only person that isn’t terrible is Allie’s mom (Amy Russ), who only appears for about five minutes.

I wouldn’t say that the movie is worth watching. From what I can gather, if you plan on watching the third movie, you will need to watch this and the first movies. It might be better to avoid the franchise altogether.

Rating: D

The Watchers (2024)

If my father was a famous movie director, I don’t know that I would direct a movie that is supposed to be in the same general genre as his movies under my own name. Especially if I didn’t have a ton of directorial work already under my belt. Preferably work that isn’t like…my sister’s music videos or episodes of my dad’s television show. But I’m not a Shyamalan. What do I know…

Mina (Dakota Fanning) works in a pet shop in Ireland. On the 15th anniversary of her mother’s death, Mina’s boss asks her to deliver a rare bird to a zoo near Belfast. As she drives across the country, both her cell phone and her car break down in a dense forest. Mina begins walking through the forest to find help but she finds Madeline (Olwen Fouéré) instead. Madeline takes Mina to a building with a large mirrored window, where she is introduced to the other people living in “The Coop” - Ciara (Georgina Campbell) and Daniel (Oliver Finnegan). Together, they explain that there are “Watchers” outside that hide in burrows during the day and watch the humans at night. They must never go outside at night or the Watchers will kill them.

Normally, I would explain much more of the plot. I’m not going to do that here. To be honest, this short paragraph is way more interesting than the movie itself. I was 20 minutes in when I paused it to tell my husband what I thought the twist was. And I was right. Well, partially right. There were like two more unnecessary twists. Most of this movie was unnecessary.

I’m going to try to do this without spoilers but it might be difficult. Here is a list of things that the movie thought was super important but wasn’t:

• Mina’s mother’s death - this was supposed to be why Mina was so sad and anti-social but it happened FIFTEEN YEARS ago. She should have just gone to therapy. The whole movie could have happened without this event ever occurring.

• Daniel’s change of behavior - from what I hear, this happened very differently in the book. Yes, this movie is based on a book.

• The mythology behind the Watchers - the movie didn’t make this very interesting. I find the actual Irish mythology so intriguing but the movie did nothing with it.

While I never read the original book, there were so many things in the movie that could have been tweaked a bit more to actually make it spooky and exciting. Instead, we are given bland characters that we have no reason to care about, Watchers that are revealed too early then given lame reasons to be an antagonists, predictable twists that were just boring, and a script with the worst dialog. I appreciate that Ishana Night Shyamalan wants to be a writer/director like her father. But she really should have done more work - whether it was behind the scenes on other movies or taking more classes - before releasing a full-length movie of her own. The Watchers wasn’t worth our time or the $30million budget.

Rating: D-

The Cases Of Mystery Lane: Death Is Listening (2024)

I can’t get away from Hallmark. As I was scrolling through Peacock to find something interesting to watch, I came across The Cases of Mystery Lane: Death is Listening. I liked Aimee Garcia in Lucifer so I turned it on. Immediately, I was met with a Hallmark Media production logo. Goddammit.

Birdie (Garcia) and Alden Case (Paul Campbell) are a married couple who love true crime. They have just completed classes in order to become private investigators. When their favorite true crime writer/podcaster, Laurel St. James (Samantha Ferris), gets murdered, officer Ted Newton (Matt Hamilton) brings them in to help find the culprit.

Yeah, this is definitely a Hallmark Movies & Mysteries channel movie. Unfortunately, when I turned it on, I didn’t realize that this is the second movie in a series. As a result, I was a little confused about some things. Birdie is a lawyer that works for her mom…but she doesn’t seem to actually do any lawyering work. I have no idea what Alden does for a job. We only see him work on robots, which I think they called a hobby? They also seem to talk about relationship problems a lot but we never actually see any relationship problems. It makes no sense.

As for the story…it’s fine. Like a lot of Hallmark movies, things magically fall into place and there are no consequences when they accuse the wrong person of the murder. But it’s kitschy and cute, right? Eh, sorta. The acting is fine but the characters are weird. Alden finds a mouse in the house, which freaks him out A LOT. But instead of letting the exterminator that Birdie hired in to take care of the problem, he elects to try to build robots to take care of it? Birdie goes into her lawyer office and talks to her lawyer mother but then spends all of her time learning how to pick locks? I really don’t understand what world these two live in.

I think I am going to try to track down the first movie in the series to see if it explains anything. It was only released last year so I’m not sure how successful I will be in finding it. Sometimes Hallmark likes to hide their older movies. Until then, I can only recommend this movie as a decent turn-your-brain-off movie. Garcia is cute as Birdie and Campbell is…well…slightly annoying as Alden. But together they somehow manage to get the job done.

Rating: C

Chimp Crazy (2024)

Like most people in 2020, I watched the Tiger King documentary on Netflix. In 2024, we got another animal-related documentary from Eric Goode called Chimp Crazy. This one was release on HBO and is another wild ride.

Braun’s Barn was an exotic pet store in Missouri started by Connie Braun Casey in the 1960s. In 1972, Connie bought her first chimpanzee. This began her career in breeding chimps for sale as well as renting chimps out for birthday parties and TV/film productions. When her husband’s nose was bitten off by a chimp in 1992, Connie started the nonprofit Missouri Primate Foundation. She continued selling baby chimps, such as Travis who infamously mauled a woman in Connecticut in 2009, until 2016 when an employee reported Connie to PETA. Embroiled in legal battles, Connie gave the Missouri Primate Foundation to Tonia Haddix, a former nurse who came to Connie to buy a chimp, in 2018. Tonia continued to run the facility until PETA won a lawsuit in 2021 to remove the chimps. However, Tonia hid Tonka, one of the foundation’s most famous chimps, from the authorities by telling them that he passed away. It took over a year for Tonka to be found and moved to a sanctuary away from Tonia.

This really was a crazy show. Not only do they cover the absolutely insane things that Connie Casey and Tonia Haddix did, they also cover tragedies that occurred thanks to baby chimps they had sold to random people. OK, I need to take a step back first.

While this show is directed and and produced by Eric Goode, he knew that, thanks to the popularity of Tiger King, Connie would not talk to him. So he hired a former circus clown and animal trainer, Dwayne Cunningham, to pose as a filmmaker to gain access to the facility. And it worked wonderfully for him. Tonia did admit that she wouldn’t have done the documentary if she knew Eric was involved.

Over the years, I had heard about people owning chimpanzees and the almost inevitable attacks that occur as a result of wild animals living in a domestic situation. I did not know that most of these animals came from the same breeder. It amazes me that people…mostly white women…don’t consider their own safety or the safety of people around them when they bring these animals into their house. I, honestly, can’t comprehend what goes through their minds.

If you enjoyed Tiger King, you will probably like this one. It doesn’t have an insane “Did Carol Baskin kill her husband” kind of drama but it does have a lot of “Why did you think this was a good idea” scenes. And, yes, that includes owning chimps, letting chimps sleep in their beds, and just talking to a documentary crew…even if she didn’t know who the true director was. I highly recommend watching Chimp Crazy. You wouldn’t believe me if I told you everything that happens in the four episode series. These are things you need to see with your own eyes.

Rating: A

Terrifier (2016)

Since Terrifier 3 will be coming out this year and I have never seen any of the Terrifier movies, I turned on the first movie in the series to see what I was in for. I am kinda sorry that I did.

Halloween 2017 - two friends, Tara (Jenna Kanell) and Dawn (Catherine Corcoran), are heading home from a party when they run into Art the Clown (David Howard Thornton). Art creepily follows them to a pizzeria, where he gets kicked out for smearing feces on the wall of the bathroom. After the women leave, Art murders the two pizzeria workers. Meanwhile, the women discover the tires on Dawn’s car have been slashed. As they wait for Tara’s sister, Victoria (Samantha Scaffidi), to pick them up, Tara convinces an exterminator named Matt (Matt McAllister) to let her into the building he is working on so she can use the bathroom. Art captures everyone and murders almost everyone.

This movie is bad. There were so many times I turned to my husband to ask him if I missed something. According to the Wikipedia page for Terrifier, this movie was supposed to showcase Art the Clown and writer/director Damien Leone’s practical effects. Unfortunately, Leone left out any sort of plot or character development. Great horror movies make you care for at least one character. Usually it’s one of the people the killer is going after but sometimes it’s the actual killer. Terrifier doesn’t make you care for anyone. We literally know nothing about Art and the victims are killed so quickly after their introduction that they are almost nameless strangers. Leone really should have lowered the body count in order to spend a little more time with the characters. Or he could have spent more time with Art so we could get a feeling of why he’s doing this. As it stands, this movie is pretty unwatchable. I really hope the next two movies are better.

Rating: F-

Beetlejuice Beetlejuice (2024)

Thirty-six years after Tim Burton released Beetlejuice, the sequel - Beetlejuice Beetlejuice - hit theaters. A lot of people are looking forward to it but it might be a little too difficult to live up to the popularity of the original. Let’s take a look.

Lydia Deetz (Winona Ryder), now an adult, has recently learned that her father, Charles, has died. She goes back to Winter River with her stepmother, Delia (Catherine O’Hara); her estranged daughter, Astrid (Jenna Ortega); and her television producer-boyfriend, Rory (Justin Theroux) to bury her father and sell the house from her childhood. Once the family is back in the house on the hill, Lydia’s visions of Betelgeuse (Michael Keaton) get worse. Thinking her mother is either a liar or insane, Astrid runs away into town, where she meets Jeremy (Arthur Conti) after crashing her bike through his fence. Meanwhile, Rory is doing everything he can to get Lydia to marry him as quickly as possible. What Rory doesn’t know is that Betelgeuse also wants to marry Lydia. And when Lydia finds out that not only Jeremy is a ghost, he also murdered both of his parents before he died, she calls on Betelgeuse to help her save Astrid. Of course, Betelgeuse is all to happy to help…once he gets Lydia to sign a contract stating that she will marry him in return for his help. As Betelgeuse and Lydia run through the afterlife in search of Astrid, they are chased by Betelgeuse’s ex-wife, Delores (Monica Bellucci), and actor-turned cop, Wolf Jackson (Willem Dafoe). Surely this will end happily for everyone. Right?

Let me start by saying I didn’t hate this movie. But I didn’t love it either. There were way too many unnecessary characters that could have been cut in order to make this a better movie. I have no idea why Delores is in this (other than the actress is dating Tim Burton currently). She barely has any lines and she just kinda floats from scene to scene with no real motivation. The same can be said for Wolf Jackson. I’m sure they were looking for a replacement for Juno, the caseworker that helped Adam and Barbara in the first movie. However, he never seemed to have any real power or ability to actually enforce the rules of the underworld. Finally, all of the scenes involving Charles after they explained his death could have been cut. No reason for any of them.

There were also a few scenes that went on too long. I actually got bored during the big song scene. I shouldn’t have gotten bored during that scene. That scene could have easily been cut in half and accomplished the same thing.

Unfortunately, this means I can’t really recommend going to see Beetlejuice Beetlejuice in theaters. It might be fine to watch once it reaches the streaming services but I don’t think it’s worth spending the money to actually go to the movie theater. Which makes me sad because I did want to enjoy it more than I did.

Rating: D

The spooky season is coming!

I know that it has been a really long time since my last post. It can be really difficult for me to find things to talk about in the non-Halloween, non-Christmas season. Like every year, I’m hoping to do better with that next year.

But!

Halloween season is quickly approaching! And I will be reviewing tons of scary (and maybe not-so-scary) movies. Throughout September, I’ll be posting some reviews of movies of older Halloween-related movies. Mostly because there are some sequels that are coming out this year and you need to know if the previous entries in the series are worth watching.

After Halloween comes the big Christmas movie season. I haven’t locked down which channels I want to focus on this year so, please, let me know in the comments what channels you would like me to watch. Hallmark is definitely on the list. Are you still interested in Candace Cameron Bure and Danica McKellar over at Great American Family? How about Lifetime? Let me know!

Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire

My family is a big fan of the Ghostbusters franchise. So of course we went to see Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire. The plot description for this would get super long if I tried to described the whole thing so I’m going to leave out A LOT.

The Spenglers - Callie (Carrie Coon), Trevor (Finn Wolfhard), and Phoebe (Mckenna Grace) - have moved to New York City with Carrie’s boyfriend, Greg Grooberson (Paul Rudd), to be Ghostbusters. After a particularly bad bust, Callie suspends Phoebe from the team until she turns 18. Upset about the decision, Phoebe goes to the park where she meets Melody (Emily Alyn Lind), the ghost of a 16-year old girl who died in a fire. Meanwhile, there is a lot of rumbling in the ghost world as Garraka, an ancient god with ice powers, tries to come back to the mortal world. With help from the original Ghostbusters - Ray Stantz (Dan Aykroyd), Winston Zeddemore (Ernie Hudson), Peter Venkman (Bill Murray), and Janine Melnitz (Annie Potts) - the new Ghostbusters try to save the world again.

I went to the movie with my husband and my daughter. All three of us really enjoyed the movie. There were a lot of references to the original Ghostbusters movies but not so many that it made the new movie cheesy. It didn’t feel like these were just fanservice moments added to appease the older crowd. Instead, they felt like a natural progression of the franchise.

As for the story, like I said, there is a lot going on. But that isn’t a bad thing. The movie clocks in at just under 2 hours and there wasn’t a single second where I thought the movie was dragging or something should have been cut. Every moment had a reason and was enjoyable to watch. I honestly hope they can continue the series with the same love for the franchise that these obviously have.

Rating: A

Damsel (2024)

There are so many movies that I mean to watch when they come out then I completely forget about them. Netflix’s Damsel is one of those.

Elodie (Millie Bobby Brown) is the eldest daughter to a lord. In order to save her village from starvation, her father (Ray Winstone) marries her off to Prince Henry (Nick Robinson). Little did he know that Henry’s family has an ancient ritual where they sacrifice young women with royal blood to a dragon. Can Elodie escape the dragon or will she be killed like so many before her?

I fully admit that I enjoy dragons. Somehow, this movie managed to make a dragon boring. Where they could have had some epic fights with the dragon, most of the movie is spent with Elodie hiding and running away. We’re supposed to think that Elodie is a complete badass, despite the fact that she has zero training and hasn’t consumed anything (including water) for a long time. It was, honestly, more confusing than entertaining.

Another annoying thing is that they introduce these glowworms that have healing properties. But at no point to they explain how they heal…they just do. This could have been a great time to introduce some magic into the world or even some alchemy. Nah. All that plot point is good for is light and healing.

Sadly, even though I was looking forward to watching this, it wasn’t worth my time. The best part of the movie is the last maybe fifteen minutes. The rest of the movie should have been left on the cutting room floor.

Rating: D

Irish Wish (2024)

Does Netflix know it’s 2024? That it’s OK to have women that don’t think terribly of themselves? I guess not. Let’s talk about the new Lindsay Lohan movie, Irish Wish.

Maddie (Lohan) is a book editor who dreams of writing her own book. The most recent book she edited was written by Paul Kennedy (Alexander Vlahos), who she is absolutely in love with. However, Paul is about to marry one of Maddie’s best friends, Emma (Elizabeth Tan). As the group, along with other best friend Heather (Ayesha Curry), travel to Ireland for the wedding, everything starts going wrong for Maddie. The airport loses her luggage and it takes so much time to fill out the paperwork that she has to take the bus to Paul’s house. It’s on the bus that she meets nature photographer James Thomas (Ed Speleers). The next day, while the soon-to-be-wed couple go out rowing, Maddie accidentally makes a wish to Saint Brigid (Dawn Bradfield) that she would be the one marrying Paul, not Emma. Once the wish comes true, Maddie finds out that she didn’t really want what she thought she did.

The Maddie character really annoyed me. She was quite incapable of doing anything, except for writing obviously. The whole opening of the movie is Maddie making googly eyes at Paul but being too scared to tell him that she likes him. She’s apparently so scared of her feelings that she doesn’t even tell her two best friends. Not in the bar, not in the car home, not at any point during Emma and Paul’s 7-month relationship. Oh wait, she does tell her mother played by Jane Seymour. I have no idea why she is even in the movie. She doesn’t do anything.

Then, when Maddie’s wish comes true, she does nothing to stand up for herself. At the last minute, Paul’s mother wants her to ditch the wedding dress that she picked out (with her mother…off-screen, of course) in order to wear the family wedding dress. I think Heather said something like “But what about your wedding dress?” and Maddie just kinda shrugged it off. There’s another scene where Paul asks her to go bicycle riding. Maddie doesn’t want to do it but she lets Paul bully her into it.

From what I can tell, Maddie had a crush on Paul because he is cute. He’s a terrible person and I’m not sure why she didn’t see that when she worked with him. While I’m not going to spoil his biggest flaw, yes, she absolutely should have known he was awful and she probably should have outright hated him instead of loving him.

Is there a good part to this movie? James was probably the only redeemable character in the whole thing. He was better to Maddie but I’m not sure he is enough to actually save the entire movie. Instead, I think I’m going to chalk this up to another terrible romcom and put it out of my mind. There have to be better romcoms out there to watch.

Rating: D