HeBGB TV | Halloween 2022

Last night, my husband and I went to a local screening of HeBGB TV. The movie was written and directed by three guys in nearby Lancaster, PA. It has been making the film festival rounds and we were lucky enough to live close to a screening.

A multidimensional cable box, HeBGB TV, has been appearing in stores and houses all over the world. The Purple Guy (Jake McCellan) appears in the house of a brother and sister to convince them to watch HeBGB TV. Together, they watch all of the weird and wonderful shows on the strange cable box.

My husband is a big fan of cheesy, campy horror movies. That is definitely where HeBGB TV falls. It isn’t the scariest movie on the block. Nor is it the goriest. However, it is a ton of fun with some awesome special effects thrown in. Our favorite bits were “Monster Girl,” “Fang,” “Candy Corn,” and “The Night Snacker.” There are some other funny bits throughout the movie but those were the ones we liked the best. Your mileage may vary.

While the movie is quite funny, I was most impressed by the fact that a majority of the movie was created by three men - Adam Lenhart, Eric Griffin, and Jake McClellan. All three of the contributed to the writing, directing, and producing but Griffin handled a lot of the cinematography and editing, while Lenhart did the stop motion/animation/special effects and McClellan did the lion’s share of the acting. Yes, there were another handful of actors and some more help with the animation/graphics. But a majority of the movie was just these three men. That is very impressive.

There are a few more screenings listed on their website. If there is a screening near you, go check it out. Especially if you are lucky enough to see McClellan bring a character to life on the stage. We got to see him as Doctor Knucklehead, as well as listen to a Q&A after the movie with the creators. It was eye-opening. I hope that they get the chance to expand on some of the characters in HeBGB TV. It would be awesome to see more of them.

Raven's Hollow | Halloween 2022

Raven’s Hollow is the horror movie for all of the Edgar Allan Poe fans out there. The movie mostly revolves around Poe’s famous poem, The Raven, but there are some references to his other works.

In the autumn of 1930, West Point military cadet Edgar Allan Poe (William Moseley) is on a training exercise with four other cadets. The group finds an eviscerated man on a rack in the middle of nowhere. Before he dies, the man whispers one word to Poe, “raven.” Poe assumes this is a reference to the nearby village Raven’s Hollow so the men travel there to find the murderer. Unfortunately, the military cadets are not ready for the secrets hidden in the Hollow.

Last year, Shudder gave us some of my favorite movies of the season. Horror Noire, The Medium, V/H/S/94. This year, the movies have seemed very lackluster. With the exclusion of Sissy, I haven’t liked anything from Shudder. While Raven’s Hollow isn’t terrible or confusing, it isn’t great either. It felt like the entire point of the movie was to try to shove as many Poe references in as possible. The movie would have been much better if they had just pulled the key elements from The Raven poem and twisted them to fit into the horror story they were building. It would have been easy to take West Point cadet Poe and have him experience elements from the poem without having to include many of the other characters.

I believe most people will pick Hollow apart for its…not great acting. Maybe I have seen too many terrible films but I didn’t think the acting was quite that bad. Instead, I kept getting distracted by the references to Poe’s other works. It made me second guess my knowledge of The Raven. Then again, if you aren’t particularly familiar with Poe’s works outside of The Raven, this probably wouldn’t be an issue for you.

Should you watch it? It is probably worth a go. There are some very good scenes that I wish were fleshed out a little bit more but are still quite beautiful as they currently are. Don’t go in expecting too much, though. We’re looking at like a 5 out of 10 movie here. There are definite places for improvement but it’s not a complete waste of time either.

Umma | Halloween 2022

The more horror movies I watch, the more I realize how much I really like Asian horror movies. Umma may have been made in the United States but it was both written and directed by a Korean-American woman. Hopefully, it will be on the same level as last year’s The Medium from Thailand.

Amanda (Sandra Oh) lives on a rural farm, raising bees and chickens with her teenaged daughter Chrissy (Fivel Stewart). Since Amanda gets sick when there are electronics around her, the pair live without modern technology. One day, Amanda’s uncle (Tom Yi) shows up at the farm to inform Amanda that her mother (MeeWha Alana Lee) has died. Slowly, Amanda relives the traumatic events of her childhood, brought upon by her own mother, her Umma. Can Amanda overcome her trauma to become a good mother to Chrissy or will she be fated to transform into her Umma?

Despite the fact that there are quite a few scenes that are way too dark and a few scenes that have little explanation, I found Umma entertaining. I don’t think it was quite as scary as some of the other Asian horror movies I have watched but the feelings of a child constantly disappointing an abusive mother came through clearly. As I am not of Asian descent, I can’t quite connect with those feelings or any of the abuse that comes from them, though I do see it depicted a lot in Asian media. I can understand it, even if I can’t relate. It does make me feel bad for Amanda and I hope that she’ll be able to seek therapy to overcome her past.

I think that, if you consume a fair amount of Asian media or are actually of Asian descent yourself, you might enjoy Umma. However, if you aren’t familiar with Asian culture, I’m not sure how the movie will come across for you. There are explanations as to why Umma is so terrible to Amanda but without that background of understanding Asian family dynamics, even a little bit, it might not be enough of an explanation to understand why it’s happening. Either way, Sandra Oh is a fantastic actress. If you have no other reason to watch the movie, watch it for her. You won’t be disappointed there.

The Curse of Bridge Hollow | Halloween 2022

Every year, I try to make sure I review some family friendly Halloween movies in addition to the scary slasher-fest films. This year has given us a few decent sequels with Under Wraps 2 and Hocus Pocus 2 but the originals, like Spirit Halloween The Movie, haven’t been as good. Netflix’s The Curse of Bridge Hollow has the potential to be the next big family Halloween movie. Let’s see if it lives up to it.

The Gordon family - Howard (Marlon Wayans), Emily (Kelly Rowland), and Sydney (Priah Ferguson) - are moving from Brooklyn to Bridge Hollow. Since it is Halloween, all of the houses are decorated. Each with it’s own theme. But Howard isn’t a fan of Halloween so there will be no decorations or celebrations of any type at the Gordon house. When some classmates tell Sydney about the history of their old house, she searches the attic for anything cool or haunted. She comes across an old jack-o-lantern and, during an argument with her father, lights it. This awakens the ancient spirit of the town, Stingy Jack. In order to stay in Bridge Hollow after midnight, Stingy Jack has to find another soul to send to hell.

Bridge Hollow is chock full of comedic geniuses. Obviously, there’s Marlon Wayans but there’s also Rob Riggle as the next door neighbor, Lauren Lapkus as the mayor, and John Michael Higgins as the high school principal. And while Priah Ferguson doesn’t have the history that her co-stars do, she has amazing comedic timing. This should have been a shoo-in for a cult classic. But there are a few downfalls.

For the most part, Bridge Hollow is funny and entertaining. However, it also takes a running joke and runs it straight into the ground. Howard, Sydney’s dad, is a science teacher. As a result, he is into science hard core. To the point that at least once in every scene, he says “Pop Quiz…” followed by asking Sydney some science-related question that is supposed to get them out of a sticky situation. It was cute at first but after the fourth “Pop Quiz,” it got tedious. The same goes for Emily’s, Sydney’s mom, baked goods. She is trying to open a bakery featuring vegan, gluten free pastries. But all of her food is terrible. To the point that her own family won’t even pretend to like it. Why would they let her waste money trying to start a business that they know will immediately fail? Why do they let her open a stand at the town festival to sell food to the locals when absolutely everyone says the food in inedible?

If you are able to overlook the minor quips in the script, it is a fun movie. I can’t wait to see where Ferguson’s career takes her. She has a bright future as a comedic actor but I think she could handle more dramatic roles if she wanted. Anyway, Bridge Hollow may not be the “watch every year” cult classic that I hoped it would be. At least I didn’t feel like I wasted my time watching it.

Grimcutty | Halloween 2022

When I was making my list of Halloween movies, I saw the title Grimcutty. For some reason, it made me think of the Philadelphia Flyers mascot Gritty. When I finally got to see the thumbnail art on Hulu, I realized that Grimcutty is nothing like Gritty. It is very, very different.

A new meme is sweeping the internet. Kids are watching videos about Grimcutty then cutting themselves, sometimes to the point of suicide. As the parents in town start to worry more, they lock away all of the family technology. But, somehow, kids are injuring themselves more and more every day. What is the real cause of the Grimcutty problem?

Unexpectedly, Grimcutty may be the best horror movie that I have watched this entire Halloween season. Not only did it have the right amount of mystery, it was also true to the fear that parents feel when they read articles about all of the terrible things kids come across on the internet. The story kept both me and my husband wondering exactly where it was going for most of the movie. When we realized what was happening, I was actually happy it wasn’t something else. It’s not very often that I can say that a movie’s twist makes me happy.

Grimcutty is absolutely a movie you should watch. Especially if you have kids. Everyone can relate to the characters in some way but parents will walk away with a very important lesson learned. And it’s a lesson that I think every single parent should learn.

Dark Glasses | Halloween 2022

Italian horror movies are supposed to be some of the best. Of course, that usually goes along with being the goriest but I was willing to take that chance with Dark Glasses. Especially since this is from the “Master of Horror,” Dario Argento, who hasn’t released a film since 2012. This movie definitely has some big shoes to fill.

Sex workers in Rome are being murdered. Diana (Ilenia Pastorelli), who works as an escort, is attacked one night after work. A white van runs into the back of her car, pushing it into an intersection. Her car flips over another car, resulting in a brain hemorrhage that leaves her blind. Unfortunately, only a young child named Chin (Xinyu Zhang) survives from the other car. Despite her new disability, the killer will do what it takes to finally kill Diana.

I tried to go into Dark Glasses without any expectations. I knew the hype around Italian horror movies and this director in particular so I had high hopes. Sadly, I was let down. Instead of giving us a reason for the serial killer murdering all of these sex workers, the movie spends most of its time focusing on Diana’s blindness. The murder scenes aren’t even all that good. Most of them look extremely fake and we don’t get to spend enough time with the characters to care that they are dying. To be honest, Glasses feels like the first draft of a film student’s first production. Definitely not what I expected from Argento.

Yeah, you should go ahead and skip this one. It is both way too long and way too short. There is a good story hidden underneath the slow plot. Perhaps someone will remake the movie and do a better job. That would be cool.

Control | Halloween 2022

Sometimes, when I go through lists of Halloween-ish movies released in a year, I come across titles that I’m not quite sure fit the “Halloween” genre. I just cross my fingers and hope they are both good and on theme. I’m not sure Control is either of those things.

Eileen (Sara Mitich) is a captive inside a strange container. In between bouts of unconsciousness, she is given tasks by a mysterious voice. If she does not complete these tasks within the given timeframe, her daughter will be killed.

While a movie doesn’t need a huge cast in order to be good, this movie consists of three actors - two adults and one child - and one voiceover actor. They are all perfectly fine actors. However, they aren’t really given anything good to work with. In order to try to figure out when the “good part” would happen, I kept pausing the movie to look at how much time was left. Alas, the good part never came. Instead, we keep getting the same thing over and over - Eileen getting testing in an attempt to bring out psychic powers. We never get a reason why the mysterious voice wanted to bring out her psychic powers and we only vaguely get a reason why she was being tested. Spoiler alert: It wasn’t a good reason. It was actually quite stupid.

Needless to say, I do not recommend watching Control. Nothing happens for a majority of the 90-minute runtime. And when something does happen, it is so boring that you wish it didn’t. I am very disappointed that I wasted my time on it.

Halloween Ends | Halloween 2022

We come to the end of the recent Halloween trilogy with Halloween Ends. Who will be victorious -former babysitter Laurie Strode or evil Michael Myers? Or is there someone new?

Halloween - 2019: Corey Cunningham (Rohan Campbell) is filling in last minute as a babysitter for Jeremy (Jaxon Goldenberg). When Jeremy locks Corey in the attic as a prank, Corey accidentally kills Jeremy by kicking open the door, sending Jeremy careening over the third floor balcony. Despite being cleared of manslaughter, Corey is still being bullied by the townsfolk in 2022. During one such fight, Corey cuts his hand open on a smashed glass bottle. Laurie (Jamie Lee Curtis) saves Corey from the bullies and takes him to the hospital, where her granddaughter Allyson (Andi Matichak) works as a nurse. Allyson quickly falls in love with Corey, even though Laurie can sense evil in the young man. After another fight with high school bullies, Corey is thrown off a bridge, only to be rescued by Michael Myers (James Jude Courtney). This only brings out more evil in Corey. Can Allyson see the evil before it is too late?

There are thirteen films in the Halloween franchise. I am only familiar with the three in this trilogy: Halloween, Halloween Kills, and Halloween Ends. With that said, I thought that Ends was the weakest of the three films. A majority of this film focuses on Corey’s plight in town and his budding relationship with Allyson. It takes something like 45 minutes before we see the first hint of Michael’s existence and the first murder (excluding Jeremy’s accidental death). Considering the movie is just under 2 hours long, that is almost the halfway point. That is a long time to wait for a death in a slasher movie.

Sadly, instead of murders, the movie is filled with Corey being bullied by teenagers, Corey being screamed at by his mother, Corey at work, Allyson at work, and Laurie writing a book about Michael Meyers. It is all very boring. I understand wanting to giving Laurie and Allyson a bit more of a normal life but it feels very out of character after the events of Halloween Kills. Even though Ends takes place three years after Kills, the sheer body count and terror Michael wreaked should have kept Laurie and Allyson on edge for much longer. I’m not sure there’s enough therapy in the world to cure what they went through.

If you watched the other two movies, you might as well finish off the trilogy. It does give a decent ending to the Laurie/Michael story. But is that the end of the Halloween franchise? I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

Spirit Halloween The Movie | Halloween 2022

We all rolled our eyes when Spirit Halloween The Movie was announced, right? I mean, it’s a movie based on a retail store. What could it possibly be about? Let me tell you.

A long time ago, Alec Windsor (Christopher Lloyd) was an evil man trying to steal the land from an orphanage. However, the woman running the orphanage is a witch who kills Windsor with a curse. Years later, three teenagers - Jake (Donovan Colan), Bo (Jaiden J Smith), and Carson (Dylan Martin Frankel) - are trying to figure out what to do for Halloween. They decide to spend the night in the Spirit Halloween store that just opened in the abandoned strip mall. Little did they know that Windsor’s spirit haunts that plot of land every year on the anniversary of his death.

Despite having acting heavyweights Christopher Lloyd, Marla Gibbs, and Rachael Leigh Cook on the roster, the three adults get very little screen time. Instead, we are focused on the three boys and Carson’s older sister, Kate (Marissa Reyes), none of whom have more than ten acting credits to their names. Thankfully, the movie doesn’t require A-list acting. Most of it is spent with Lloyd’s character, Windsor, possessing various animatronics around the store and chasing the kids. Nothing particularly scary, to be honest. I’m not really sure why the movie earned a PG-13 rating over PG. Maybe the idea of ghosts scared the rating board.

Spirit Halloween The Movie would be an ideal Halloween movie for the younger crowd. Probably in the pre-teen to early-teen age range. Unless they are already terrified by the animatronics in the store, they aren’t likely to be scared by much in here. But, if you aren’t sure your kids should watch it, it is only 80 minutes long. You can easily give it a quick watch before showing it to the younger kids.

Hellraiser | Halloween 2022

I never watched the original Hellraiser. As a matter of fact, all I really know about the movie is the main villain is Pinhead. Until I wrote this review, I didn’t even know that wasn’t actually the character’s name. It was just something the fans called him. Interesting. Anyway, I’m simply noting that I know nothing about the original movie or its franchise. I’m going into the 2022 version a complete newbie.

There is a puzzle box where someone dies every time its configuration changes. Six years after millionaire Roland Voight (Goran Visnjic) solves the final puzzle and mysteriously disappears, recovering drug addict Riley (Odessa A’zion) and her boyfriend Trevor (Drew Starkey) steal the puzzle box from a safe in an abandoned warehouse. As Riley begins to solve the puzzle box, people begin to disappear. By the time she realizes that the box is killing people, it may be too late to do anything about it.

Maybe modern horror movies have spoiled me too much. I thought this version of Hellraiser was boring. So there are supposed to be six deaths/sacrifices to the puzzle box. We know of five deaths, two of which happen off-screen and we only hear about them, when Riley is offered the Final Prize. I sat here at my desk counting and recounting the deaths to try to figure out who I missed. My husband, who is a big horror movie fan, simply replied with “Horror movie logic.” It annoys me when a movie gives us its rules then proceeds to break them. I’m willing to believe that a group of terrifying beings require blood sacrifices in order to gift someone a messed up version of a wish. But when you break the rules you set about those blood sacrifices, you have effectively taken me out of the suspension of disbelief.

I wish I could say that the visual effects made up for the lack of stability in the plot. There are one or two pretty cool scenes and Voight’s mansion is also pretty cool. The makeup for a couple of the Cenobites was interesting but that is about it. For the most part, like every other modern movie, it is too dark to see much of anything happening. I know movie people like to blame modern televisions but I cannot believe that absolutely everyone has their televisions on the “wrong settings” that result in completely pitch black scenes. Directors and editors need to figure out what they are doing wrong and fix it. It makes me dislike your product the more I consume it.

If you are a fan of the original Hellraiser, you might get some enjoyment out of this remake. My husband didn’t think it was terrible. Personally, I didn’t like it. I would much rather watch Sissy or Lou.